My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
