It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize