tell your sister to shave her snatch
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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