Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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