An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize