Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
