You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize