I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
