I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
