Someone shit on the floor
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
