'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He shit in the fireplace
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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