When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
