Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
its liver damage thursday
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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