i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
