So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
