Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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