When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
