please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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