Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
