I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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