Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
