I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
