just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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