drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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