why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
