I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
