ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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