How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
