So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
