he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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