I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
