Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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