you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
