Define "chronic" masturbator.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
