she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
