just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
How's work?
Spinning.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
