a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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