dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
