i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize