How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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