His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
