I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
