Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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