hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
