You really coming over, don't trick.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
