fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
