In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
