I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
