those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
