Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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