When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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