The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
