she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
