Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
