I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
