You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
