and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize