His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
