too bad you live with your parents still
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
