how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
