Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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