You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize