It's Friday. Sex?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
