I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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