I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
